He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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