My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize