my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
