Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
