every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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