there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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