Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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