i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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