I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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