I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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