i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
