the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
