Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
