I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
