i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
