i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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