I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
