he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Less talking, more tequila
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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