I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
