True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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