I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
