Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
