so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
