Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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