i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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