just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
