You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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