my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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