3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
