sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
