OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i barfeds in our rink
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
