i don't plan on having that self control this summer
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
MIDGETS
????
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
