: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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