Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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