to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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