i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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