I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
