p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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