Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
