We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
