when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
