So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
