If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He? As in you personified your dick?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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