I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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