hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The ass gains better be worth it
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