she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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