All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
