every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I touched a dick in church today
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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