My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
