you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
