after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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