So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
