Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
