She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
