She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
