i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
