I wanna bring you to show and tell
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
