This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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