just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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