My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we're making bets on your personal life
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
