I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I don't think brook has ever known best
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
