Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
