If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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