it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
