I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
