I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
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