Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
