Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
