Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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