Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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