If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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