i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
