Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
