have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm passing your future prison.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
